Monday, April 27, 2015

R-E-D-I-R-E-C-T: No-Drama Discipline Ch. 6

Not gonna lie - this was my big take-away from this chapter was one of my favorite parenting gems of all time:

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself.

Ok, they didn't explicitly said that, Ice Cube did.

What the authors did say:

"Keep Calm and Carry On...Not a bad mantra to have at the ready when your child goes ballistic - or before you do....How you respond to your child's behavior will greatly impact how the whole situation unfolds." p167-168

Because I have been quoting Ice Cube for the past mmphhhhh years...that's where my brain went.

For example: "Check yourself before you wreck yourself - because getting hit by a car is bad for your health!" (Not lying - why do you think my kids stop at curbs? I'm not a fairy...I'm *scary*)

Most often, though, I just drawl out: "Y'all best check yourselves before you wreck yourselves." Something about the Stern Southern seems to do the trick.

They do give some handy strategies for helping you R*E*D*I*R*E*C*T after you've all checked yourselves - of course they go *way* more in-depth than I'm going to, but here's the list for some reference:
Reduce words, Embrace Emotions, Describe - don't preach, Involve your child in the discipline, Reframe a no into a conditional yes, Emphasize the positive, Creatively approach the situation, and Teach Mindsight tools.

I really like the "Reduce words" part - it never works when you word-vomit all over your kids -- they just tune you out until you chill out. But if you just give them the meat of the problem, they can easily digest and respond.

Example of what not to do "You know why it's bad to hit your brother? It's bad because hands aren't for hitting they're for being nice, and art, and cooking, and also making things, and for petting animals...but only nice animals, can you imagine petting a mean animal? Imagine if you hit a mean animal. You're lucky your little brother isn't a Tiger, a tiger would only be hit once and then it would eat you up. Like in that song by Maurice Sendak that Carol King sang on that CD that I love that you only tolerate because you think it's for babies...."

Right? I tuned me out.

Better: "I won't let you hit your brother. It's not safe and it's not nice. Keep your hands to yourself and if you need help I will help you." The end. (FTR - I got the "I won't let you" gem from Janet Lansbury. I can't find the original phrase but basically she says it works because it's definitive and gives they child no room for argument. It places the parent in the role of parent and shaper of behavior. There's no need to yell or coerce - just a simple "I won't let you_____." and then put a period at the end.)

The rest of the advice in this chapter is well worth checking out. (Before you wreck out...? No? Ok.) As always, I highly suggest you do.

This is the only wreck I've got a photo of...

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