A theme I run into over and over and over again: the idea of "fitting in" or "not fitting in." That of being "normal," "ordinary," "extraordinary," etc etc...all in quotes because: what the fuck does that even mean?
What is NORMAL?
I have found myself saying to Husband - on more than on occasion lately - that I still don't quite feel like I fit in here. For the record: I knew I didn't fit in in Dallas. We were living like "Europeans" in Dallas. (Yes, I heard that one more than once...what does that even mean?)
But I have a laundry list of ways I do/don't fit in...I can point to people in my life who share some, but not all of these items. I know people much more hardcore about living the "Green" life, and I know people much more apathetic about it. I see the cliques, and in some cases I belong to them but mostly each group of people has their own parameters they seem to meet.
I put a poll on one of the mommy boards I frequent and I find that most of the moms (59.8%) feel like they fit in with little or no effort. 37.6% don't feel like they fit in with an even split between caring greatly and not caring at all.
It took a long time for me to be comfortable not being part of the group. It took even longer for me to not care that other people had opinions of me.
I am who I am. All of those children's stories about embracing your specialness don't really slide home once you're in the pubescent throws of high school...and for some people it never passes. Awkward 'til the end, which is unfortunate.
I feel like this post is bumbling. That there should be some great moral at the end. Something to make you say "aha!" But really - it's just thoughts I'm having and barfing out onto the internet. Apparently, that's what it's here for.
I could leave you with advice, so here it is (based on another poll I posted on another board where I decidedly DID NOT fit in...to the point that the mean girls enjoyed taking shots at me (mean girls who want to FB friend me now...hahahaha. No.) )
You should live your life as though you were going to meet yourself at a party. If you would want to chat yourself up, get to know you better, hang out and trade secrets - then you're living a life as the best version of you. It takes bravery. Be brave.
I leave you with words much wiser than mine:
On Beauty by F. Scott Fitzgerald
28 minutes ago