|This is our Get Along Cart... ;-)|
"[Using the shirt] is like saying 'They'll put themselves to be if they get tired enough...I'm going to bed.' It's reneging on our responsibility as parents." - p95
Parenting is work. The goal is to front-load as much as possible so that you can step back sooner rather than later. Form good habits early means less stress and more fun later. Similarly to how you put all of your electives off until your senior year so you can spend that year not worrying about your GPA. It's important for parents to intervene, rather than waiting for things to blow up and resolve themselves, but it's equally important that the parent (or caregiver) act as an arbiter and not take sides or try to resolve the issue for the children.
"It's not parental intervention that's the problem. It's taking sides. The trick is regulating our own emotions so that we can stay calm, empathize with both children, and resist our impulse to decide who's right. That creates the foundation for children to learn how to work things out with each other without hurt or resentment." -p.99
On the next page, so lists 10 reasons children bicker and follows with tips for aiding resolution and situational examples. The reasons are what you would expect - everything from temporary annoyances to deep-seeded resentments and imbalances.
"*Stay calm, connect with both kids, and empathize.
* Describe the problem without judgment.
*Interpret by coaching each child to express their feelings without attacking the other.
*Restate the rules.
*Coach kids to problem solve." - p.101
She covers teasing, aggression, intervention, and how to repair the relationship after a fight - rather than forcing an apology.
"Focus on helping children communicate rather than on the ritual of apology. IF you follow the practices of helping children express their wants and needs, listen to each other, and restate what they hear their sibling say, children will begin to heal their conflicts at a deeper level, so that apologies often become superfluous, just as with adults." - p. 143-144
|When in doubt: instigate manual labor. |
In this case - chalkboard paint on old cookie sheets
which will be used as chore charts.